I got up this morning to go to the bathroom. There was a regal man sitting up very straight on my couch. He presence was notable and strongly comforting. I sensed a very unsettled spirit nearby. I see him with water all over him, but he is outside of the water. He keeps saying mother fucker, like he is speaking to me, implying that I don’t understand the severity of his situation. He was about 40 year’s old, very twitch, thin and very uncomfortable in his lack of skin. The other side of him seems gentle, putting his hand on my hand asking for help. The duplicity is a gentle man asking politely who is sad and a cocky streetwise puck swearing and pissed off. I do not feel any rise of energy from the angry, twitchy spirit, he felt impotent in the mist his sputtering. He does not feel very strong. Very often if I work with an angry spirit, you can feel it in the air, it is palpable.Today I feel the solid kindness of the gentle man completely over ruling the pissed off black man that is incoherent in his ranting’s, kind of surprised he found himself here. Why is he here? He shows me his spirit is like a magnet being pulled here to me, unavoidable and disconcerting. I explain who I am and that I can help him. His energy is very fidgety. He says he has been under the water for a long time. Hidden and stuck. He does not remember coming here. It seems like it is the first time he remembers being without his body even though he has been dead for a while. So angry verses very grounded. Seem like two completely different people. Troy says he is a collected spirit, Chosen to cross over due to grace not his will, collected by the greater powers. He has work to do and forgot. {A quick note. Troy is a story for another day. He is one of my support people on the other side, a wonderfully funny, beautiful character.} Like so many, I think the gentle side of him is his spirit not what he was in this life time. The regal part of him is tall, dark and dressed in a long yellow straight robe, saffron I hear. There is a red stripe down the robe, he is black. I can tell the man in robes wants to talk but the other side of him is crazy, water coming from his insides. Debris he carries with him left over from his dip in the pond. A seething anger as a result of his life interrupted. I am going to bring him to the white room for clearing. He has jeans on, white t-shirt, black boots. He is thin and loves to swear, like it is on a sputtering loop and the switch is busted and runs forever forgotten why it began. Mother fucker, Mother fucker, Mother fucker.
In the white room I see his throat is slit. Clean and free from gore. Head still secure on his shoulders, just wore like a red velvet choker. I am shown a scene in the room. A group of men obviously on a mission, walk up, bend him over and slit his throat. I ask for protection and watch. They recede; he is still standing next to me. But he is a bit more collected and purposeful. He presses on me he was an undercover …. A cop. The goose flesh rises on my body in discernment, as I know in my gut what he says runs true. The anger that is seething was his undercover self-stuck in the false persona he has played to do his job. He played his part to the end. It was important for him to remain hidden from the truth. He was not killed for being a cop. He was killed for doing his job so well, he became his illusion. Sleeping with the wrong girls and liking the false side of his job too much. He is a bit cocky about this. Apparently there was a part of him that was enjoying his false sense of security in the great big lie he was participating in. He feels he still wants to debrief with his captain, to defend himself against his sins. I feel the lie there too, very strong. It is about clearing his name and memory, not about true remorse. Even in death he plays the part of dirty cop and fantasy thug. The robed man asks me what I see when I look at the man with the attitude. I say I see beyond what he looks like on the outside; and then have a feeling that he was not who he was supposed to be He has a message for me. We have free will. What we do here on earth is really of no consequence when we pass. It is about the experience and interaction between the people, finding our authentic part even if it is buried under a pile of humanness. Also, some are born to assist others in their purpose. Like the chore in a ballet, so very important but not the star of the show. They are the catalyst of many events that shape others’lives. Without the chore there would be no consequences to work out in life. If it was not for them, there would be no consequences to the actions of our livesto study the reaction …that is the evidence that is carried to the other side. Advice to the living. There are always road signs for the right path that has been designed by you before your birth, the feeling in your gut and heart. The people that come into your life and speak truth to you, even if you deny the information, you know it as wisdom about your life. Getting fired from the wrong job, running out of gas in a particular location, a song that plays on the radio, a bill board that speaks to you, one of the most important habits that we can form is to pay attention. All the ‘sins’ that are perceived by humans in their brains, the constant chatter of good and bad, right and wrong. Doing wrong then creating a pay system internally for punishment, all a waste of time. You will see it so clearly when you leave the planet. Guilt is the most wasted emotion. The Christian philosophy of asking forgiveness for your sins is solid advice. You do something that makes you feel bad, sit down state it as so. Ask to forgive yourself, because it is not god you need forgiveness from, it is yourself. You are loved by your creator no matter what. It is not god that punishes us; it is us that punish ourselves. Because the, oh so little part of us that always knows right from wrong. Our human perception of right and wrong is sometimes different that our spirits perception. That is what represents the rub of fear verses following your heart. This spirit is very adamant about our perception. We have become so concrete in our rules of society. Right from wrong has become a collective consciousness verses free will to think for yourself. To decide within your own mind what is good for just the individual, not to follow blindly because someone else said it is so. Standing by what you believe is right. Look at the attitudes of society that do not support a loving independent self. There are so many opportunities for forgetting. Relationships…number one, people, jobs, cars, houses, child, all ways to put your head in the sand of forgetting. When we keep ourselves so occupied and tied down with “I have to’s” even if they are created by our own doing…. It puts up road blocks that force us to take the wrong direction. He says there will be others that will come with information to break down the negative collective consciousness we have created. He challenges the readers to make a list of “I shoulds” staying in jobs, marriages, paying for expensive things you can’t afford. He challenges you to untie yourself from the things you do that don’t bring you joy, that hurt you every day. The fear you feel is an illusion to keep you scared. The fear is the toll, braking threw the fear is the only way to get to the good stuff. That is our work here. I promise. There is such love and patience coming from this man. He is just here to serve. He says he is here with me to remind us to trust that feeling inside when you feel the nugget of joy rise with opportunities, to follow your heart and trust your guidance even if it sound ridiculous. I ask why he is here visiting me, the monk man. He shows me the black man in the white room. Presses on me, not words, but just knowing, “The man died wrong” he states. Not because he was murdered, but because he died not being himself. He was pretending to be someone he was not till the end, absorbed in the world that only offered him escape from reality. He chose wrong. He chose what seemed to be the easier road for him. In the end, when you deny who you are, you forget that you should even figure it out. The monk man and the undercover cop are the same person. They are a perfect example of free will. One is the person he became and the other is the person he could have become. The person that was hiding inside, knew the answers, but ran the other way. There is no regret, just the truth. What an amazing realization! I am so grateful for the presence of this beautiful spirit visiting me. Although he died a lie, in death he remains the truth to pass on his experience of bad choices, denial of our spiritual voice only results in a contemplative end of life review. No judgment. He says my job here is done. In closing I can only hope that I deliver this message with the truth shining through. He stood transparent in front of me, the mistakes made in his life so obvious. We have choices to make every day. His choices formed his life and death. In death, his life sets a perfect example of truth and consequences. I feel blessed that I can share these words with you today. I would like to ask those who read this to comment below if it resonates with any part of your lives. This is a good forum to get great conversations going. Thank you for your participation.
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Dirgha Pranayama Also referred to as three part breath, full yogic breath or complete breath Dirgha pranayama is the basic yogic breath. It is great for calming your mind and oxygenating your blood. The only precautions that apply to this breath are any irritations of your throat, lungs or sinuses. Also, we sometimes do not breathe very completely in our busy lives, you may experience a touch of dizziness due to the increase of oxygen. If this happens just move back to your regular breath and try a bit more later, until you feel comfortable. This breath will oxygenate your cells if done properly. Start by finding yourself in a comfortable seated position, it is not really important how your legs are or if you are on the floor or a chair. It is important to have straight back, with your seat bones (the bones at the bottom of your pelvis that come in contact with the floor) on the floor (if you are on the floor) , and sternum (chest) slightly lifted. This position enables you to fill your lungs comfortably allowing plenty of space for your breath. If you take a moment and slouch, then try to draw a full breath in, you will find it very difficult. Then bring your attention to your breath until you feel your body relax and your mind become quite. You are going to imagine you can separate you upper body into three parts, your abdomen and lower back, mid-chest and upper chest. Visualize bring the breath to not only the front of the body but the sides and the back, as if you are pouring a glass of water 1/3 at a time. Proceed as follows. Bringing in your breath slowly, putting your hands first on your belly, let your belly fill with air expanding into your hands. Your belly is not really filling with air,but that is the visualization, your lungs fill with air, pushing your diaphragm down, in turn pushing your belly out. Then moving your hands to the outside of your chest, continue taking a breath in and let the outside of your chest expand, feeling your ribs move under your hands. Then moving your hands to that space just below your collar bones, let the same breath fill you lungs completely. After you practice this for a while you will feel a slight lift the space below your collar bones, it takes practice. This in breath my take as long as you are comfortable. Again as you practice your breath will become deeper, fuller and longer. Then you can let your breath out with one slow continuous breath. Repeat as many times as you have time for, 10 times is a good number. After, moving back for a few regular breaths.This breath is great for inducing sleep, reducing anxiety, increasing your breath capacity and calming the mind. Practice this breath as often as you like Where we left off in this story makes me thoughtful as I look back on it. The day started with the spirits drawing my attention to something that needed to be taken care of. When I noticed there was a story, I was compelled to write, very easily drawn away from the task on hand. I was almost grateful for the back pain I have had this week as an excuses to type instead of do the dishes that are sitting in the sink waiting for me to be interested in them. At the end of that day (that I wrote about ghosts, angels and the girl in peices) I realized I had spent the day writing about the girl in pieces but not tended to her. What was I thinking? Does this correlate with my life somehow? I see the problem or maybe the riddle that needs extra attention to untie. Instead I am running around the riddle, as if it is not there…. talking about the package it is in. That brings me to late that night; I looked at my son and with a bit of shock at myself, and said “the girl in pieces is still waiting for me!” As powerful and profound as these explorations always are. I procrastinate sometimes as if it is a more difficult job than it actually is. I lay down on my bed that night and invited to me the boy spirit that had come the night before. With a brief apology for taking so long, I asked how I can help. He explained that he was an involved party. That he had been watching her for a long time. Knowing that she needed help, but not knowing how to help her wake up from her obsession with what happened to her. Here I will explain a little of the process I use to determine how to help. How to get the spirits attention long enough to break them out of their frenzy and bring them back to themselves. It has been a trial and error experiment over the past few years to learn what works. I have learned bringing the spirit to a completely white room helps the truth be reveled with more ease. I ask for help from the other side from family members that have already passed. The familiar faces sometimes will snap the divided spirit into themselves. I have seen countless times a crazed spirit literally brake down in tears grabbing onto a loved one like they just realized they were drowning and could be saved. It is an amazing thing to witness. I ask to be shown the information about their death to help me understand why they are stuck. This part it the part that is the most interesting for me. You will understand when I tell you the girl’s story. It is always surprising and always different. Some may say that I have quite an imagination. This may be true, but I believe the stories are true. It is a very spontaneous“watching a movie”” type process that most always makes sense at the end of the story. I am quite excited to tell you this story because the ending, for me anyways, was very freakin cool! The first step I took to help the girl in pieces was ask to be shown what happened to her. I could see a vague picture of her. Around 30 years old, night gown, long blonde, well kept, the boy told me she was doing research. He stressed that what she was working on was very important. The next thing I saw was her being “dumped” into something that was big and metal. There was men, 2 or3 literally pocking at her body with rods or sticks. Like they were trying to fit her into something. I felt that she was not alive in this process. The men were going through this process with purpose; I felt they were hiding her cut up body. She is very angry. She had a good life, snatched out of it totally unexpected. Her being put in the container, she pushes on me that she was not alive at this point. This is where the lesson starts to unfold. She stood by while they were hiding her body. Unable to stop them, unable to hurt them like they had already hurt her. She felt stolen, her life shoplifted and then dumped in the trash like the wrapper of a candy bar just stolen by a teenager. No remorse or regrets. For her, she was nothing but emotion. So much anger, it was like a laser beam at the moment of the insult. She locked on to her assailants and the angel that was there to escort her to the other side stood by invisible to her. She was blinded to everything but what happened. She tells me her anger kept her riveted to this spot. She focused all o her attention on her assailants instead of Azrael the angel, her peace in the moment of transition failed, forcing her to stay here. I ask her to focus. She just wants to go back to her comfortable state ofchaos and blame. I can see the dance of energy between her pieces, the men and her. She has driven groove in the fabric of time and only she can release herself. I ask for a loved one who has past to come help her out of her fugue. I am visualizing the entirely white room. It is like a blank canvas where anything can happen. Her Grand ma appears. Iwitness a sudden crushing together of family. The girl in pieces finally crumbles into her grandmothers arms. The sigh of relief is palpable and obvious; her attention has transferred away from the tragedy to the warmth of her grandmothers arms. As I approach the room. I can see she is still upset. There seems to be green vines everywhere. She sits down onto the white floor. More complete. By complete I mean all the pieces came together. It was not a picture of actual pieces, but a deep sense of collection, as if a giant magnet collected all the tiny pieces of metal shards and suddenly it made a complete solid form. I see as a solid person now, flowing blonde hair, a beautiful soft sweater and scarf. This vision lasts only a few seconds. Then she stands and turns with this obvious attitude that “I am done here.” Then the picture is like a movie, moving by itself. The vines recede away from her in the white room, leaving a stark difference in the room concerning the contrast of color and constriction. She gives me an expression that resembles an attitude that states “I am done here.” Then I see her close a curtain like you would see in a dressing room. She stands straight, obviously she has made a decision, reaches up and holds the material in her hands at the top near the bar and closes it, as if it is the end of scene two. In a strange way I can still see what she is doing even though I am behind the curtain. Quite unexpected to me she walks straight into the jungle. She was doing research and her mission was not complete. Unfinished business keeps her from the light. Now she is focused on the next thing. The young boy says “Thank you for releasing her, she has very important work to do.” Her spirit says her being stuck in her “looking back in anger” for so long was such a waste of time. The torment of looking backwards at the pain has prevented her from finding her goodness. Azrael looks at me and states “Job well done.” It was the release thwas needed, not the integration of her with the light of crossing over. The peicesof her body are still lying on the floor of the white room. They still sit there unclaimed. I go back periodically over the next few days to see if the pieces are still lying on the floor, like already opened unclaimed baggage. They are always there. Four days later I ask ” Can the pieces of the girl talk to me?” I am told they are just remnants. The past that has been let go. The only reason they are still there is someone gives them purpose. I witnessed the intention in her stride as I watched her back leave into the forest. I look upon on the past remains like they are still going to give me important answers. What they signify is the need to let go. The past only has power over us if we give it power. The remains are tangible, physical and messy because someone is saving them until they speak their secrets. I am told they need to let them go. They represent the past that is devastation and binding, needing to be disposed of with no reside left behind. I watch as the remains burst into flames and burn until only ash is left. Next an opening appears in the floor, at the same time 2 beings appear to sweep all the ash into the trap door in the floor, and then it closes. The room is empty. When I started to write this a few days ago, I thought this was the end of the story. What I came away with and what wanted to share with you was simple. Don’t keep your eyes focused on the past. You will attach yourself like suction cups to glass, only able to see in one direction, backwards. This stops you from dreaming of, creating and loving your present/future, stuck instead in the hate, rage and wanting revenge. The moral of the story seemed to be, let go of the past no matter how devastating and live your life (and death) in the moment. Amnesia just may be our friend when it comes to holding onto the negative happenings in our past. As I write this I see a solid form dressed in dark clothing, brush by my right side, like a shadow. I know it is Azrael. I hear him say….”This is not the end.” I involuntarily bring my arms up to hug myself, quenching the gooseflesh. He is only reinforcing what I already know. There is much more to this story. This part of my story leads me to where life seemed to speed up in time. As I look back at it now, with awakening came speed, reason and oh, such a darknight for my soul.Those of you that have had similar experiences, you know what I mean by that. Sometimes things get worse when you realize life is more than the mundane, day to day things. It hurts, causes anxiety, makes you cry a river for time lost and spirit forgotten for so damn long. Over the years I have had the occasion to talk to others that had a moment of awareness that changed their life. They tell stories of pretty colors that swirled around their head. The bright beautiful angel spoke and bam..... all of a sudden, like a fairy godmother's gift, they are changed. Then they jump for joy and keep walking with their new perspectives and purpose without missing a beat.. Well, not this girl, not me. It was more like suddenly remembering the claustrophobic brain squishing experience of moving through the birth canal in the dark. A stalled birth, needing to be yanked from the warm darkness into the blinding light. Landing flat on my ass in the mud puddle of emotional mess I had allowed my mind and body to become. When we are born into this life we forget. Have no memory of where we were or why we are here. This process for me was the opposite. A birth into remembering, painful as it was, I am forever grateful. I became a sponge, absorbing all the knowledge I could soak up about energy, healing and spirituality. I attended workshops and classes, read books such as the "Tiebetin book of the dead" like it was candy. If you have never heard of it..... Believe me it is not an easy read! I went to the fantastic workshop given by the same teacher as my first. Her name was Sara, I so looked up to her for answers.The workshop was seven weeks. Each week explored one of the seven chakras (in eastern medicine they concidered energy center of the body.) Each week we would lay down to listen to her voice guide us in meditation. I swear to God, I would lay there for 10 blissful minutes before my body deceived me. My heart would race and skip, I would feel so much fear. Of what? You ask. I was scared to death to relax and be in my body. It was absolutely the scariest place on earth! I went to my first Reiki class (hands on healing.) They give you an exchange of energy during these classes, it is called an attunment. About 30 of us sat in a semi circle awaiting our turns for our attunment. Again, I was so nervous. A few days after that class, I started to cry. I cried for 3 days straight. My husband drove me to work one day. I sat like a wounded soldier, stunned and silent. Then the tears flowed, He ask, "why are you crying?" In his not so tolerant way around tears. I couldn't even speak. My heart was braking from the inside out as if my child had died. Why was I crying? Not a flipping clue! Apparently I had a lot of emotion stored up in my sore tired body.The tears were medicine, cleansing me inside and out. All this emotion about somethng invisible made me feel a bit crazy in the head. At this point in my journey I was still "normal" and did not understand there was so much under the surface of me. I began to explore the process of guided imagery. I was still struggling with chronic sinus infections I had mentioned earlier. I decided I wanted to try healing myself using imagery and the chakra system. I would practice when I woke in the morning, still in my bed. Go to the bathroom at work in the middle of the day, sit on the toilet totally clothed and breath in the colors until my head was clear and I heard my sinuses pop.Then again before I went to bed .Breathing into all of my energy centers with color and intention.I began to float in my body during these times, feeling like I was a bit high. Losing the sense of where my body ended and the rest of the room began. Such a peaceful and unnerving feeling for me at the time. My sinuses began to pop and crackle each session. Until after a few weeks, my headaches went away.No more sinus issues even till this day. To help understand the reasons for my sinus issues. I will explain. Up until then, I was living my life at a run. Totally oblivious to my needs. My energy was focused on the upper parts of my body. I lived in my head. Perfect example is when you are driving somewhere and arrive with the words "Wow, how did I get here so fast? I don't even remember the drive!" That would be the oppostive of being present and grounded. That was my day to day life. If I was present I would have remembered the drive and realized I had derailed a long time ago. My body left behind, leaving me with just a big stuffed head. If I had grounded myself, meaning payed attention to where my feet stood and how my body and heart felt..... forget it! I didn't even know how at the time. But, now I was learning the hard way. One deep breah and spinning of my energy centers at a time. Another one of my favorite stories...... I was exploring guided imagery by myself for the first time .Just relaxing and letting the pictures come into my mind as they wanted to. I took a few deep breaths and envisioned a bridge to move over into my imagination.Even changed my clothes in my mind to something flowing and comfortable. As I came to the end of the bridge I could see this beautiful home. Not one from this time and place, but I knew it was my home, the one that I have always known throughout all time.I passed a fountain in the front part of the beautifully tended grounds and approached the stairs to the grand double front doors. I remember them in such detail. Intricately carved beautiful wooden doors, weathered with age in a way that they become more magical with maturity. I could perceive the difference between my resting self and my waking self in this alternitive place. I was bewildered by the way it flowed as if watching a movie that I could step into with ease. It played out by itself, unbeknownst to me that I was in charge in the strange new place. My emotions were calm and interested. I was so amazingly innocent to the process of self realization and discovery.I walked up the stairs, coming to a intricately carved, huge wooden double door.This place I have come very accustomed to over the years. I know this house inside and out, exploring it over and over like a new mother with her newborn baby. I am approaching the doors, I knock and see it open. I am so excited that I am able to do this all by myself. I feel so mystical! A man steps out, all dressed up in old fashioned clothing, looks at me and punches me in the face! True story! No words, no "how are you?"... just a right cross to my jaw. In my infancy, I had no idea that I was in control of this vision. I just walked away in my imagery, head held down in hurt. Why would this stranger in my head, come out and punch me? Today I know that that would have been an opportunity for learning and healing. At that moment, I treated it as I did many things in my life at that time. I reacted like a victim... powerless and without a voice .Later that day, I called my teacher, Sara.Telling my story of woe, ending with "why would he do that?" Her response was "did you ask him why he hit you?" Well, of course I did not. This was the beginning of my trip down the road to better self esteem. As I look back it makes me smirk. How far I have come in knowing myself and how familer I have become with the meaning of the word epiphany. Side Note: The rest of the story about "The Girl in Pieces" is coming soon. I woke in the middle of the night with a small boy standing by my bed pointing across my bed to the empty spot near my window. He said "the girl is in pieces." I was so sleepy, but very aware I had just woken from a stressful, telling dream about a long lost friend of mine to find not only this boy, but several others standing in my room. They where spirits. He speaks plainly while the others voices where just a whisper. I promised I would try to help when I woke, but needed sleep right now.
Sleep did not come very well after that. Not because I was frightened or worried, but because I have had a pain in my back for the past week. This pain has demanded that I sit and write. Like a tide that does not stop coming in. Only pulling forward into my deep hidden reservoir of memories and spirit talk. I have been waiting for this tide for a very long time. Now finding myself staring at my feet being covered with the frothy substance of my words already forming in my mind. The tide moving up my body until I can not help but sit down and type. When I woke in the morning the spirits had receded but still whispered at the back of my brain. You see I have the need to help all that come to me. Sometimes not investigating the necessity of my envolvement first. There is always the need to consider if those that are in need of help are good, bad, deceitful, loving, lying, blissful spirits. The same discernment needed in life is needed in the dealing with those know to be "dead." I guess the secret is, they are not dead. They are just changed in their form. Some will grow in their death from this world and some will remain the same, still in need of an attitude adjustment. Death does not mean a guarantee into a blissful place. Sometimes there is still work to do. Getting back to my story. I work with the Archangel Azrael, he is a reaper in layman’s terms, a sponsor in the moment of death. He tells me very often he is there for violent deaths to help the victim become numb to the experience. Looking into his face of death in the moment of transition helps sedate, bring peace and remove them from going through something unspeakable. Then helping them find their door to the otherside. Part of the side effects are being stuck in that moment, dazed and confused like a Alzheimer patient. Stuck instead in the short term memory of that numbness. He has asked me to assist in the process of remembering and transition to the other side. For some reason beyond my understand, those stuck spirits have lost sight of there chaperone. They become blind to his presence and helping them in that dimension becomes more difficult. I know this may sound like science fiction, right? Angels, reapers, spirits....... I don’t know if I would believe it if it was not my life. My proof is through the many experiences I have had. The reason that I believe in the angel Azrael, is through the gathering of information I hear in my mind that I would never have know without hearing it outside of myself. The night I met Azrael, I was in the shower and he appeared in front of me. That may seem like a strange place to meet a stranger. For me a single mom who’s life is very busy, the shower is a good place to contemplate the day and pay attention to the silence. When I saw his face, I asked who he was. His response was "I am the reaper." I was confused and concerned because I work very diligently on keeping myself and my family safe from spirits that are not balanced. I ask archangel Michael for confirmation that this spirit talking to me was for real. His response was "yes, he is the angel of death, Azrael." I stuck that information in my memory and finished my shower. When I was done drying off, my mind still spinning a bit about the possibility of meeting a reaper. I looked up Azrael, angel of death. Well guess what? There he was! In front of me on my computer was pictures of other peoples interpretation of him including a classic reaper in a hooded cape and depictions of a beautiful angel. So, how could I not believe, when the information was given to me plane as day. Information that I was not aware of until this moment. In my work I can tell someone 1000 miles away which tooth is hurting in their mouth or what side of their head their headache is on, just by sending myself out to that person. Its just a knowing. So this is the same, just in a more out of this world kind of way. Moving forward to this moment. Azrael tells me the spirit I should be tending to is "the girl in pieces." Last night when I quickly looked at her, I see devastation. Remembering that when I decide to touch the information and spirits he brings to me, it is never pretty. Violent ends came to these precious people. Sometimes all alone and definitely alone now in their moment of death, usually frozen in that moment. Not knowing that they are released and could move on. There is a duplicity to them. There is the innocence of ignorance of their death and the memory of who they where before that moment. Often I see a complete frenetic movement in their energy that involves their whole being. As their original self stands near by, both stuck in their individual moments of their end. This would be a good place to explain what I feel my main purpose is in answering Azrail’s call and assisting others when I do sessions. Sometimes at a very emotionally charged moment, usually devastating to our core, we reach for self preservation and get stuck. A moment such as a death of a loved one, abuse, neglect, severe accident or death of ones self... we brake apart from ourselves. This piece lost is called a soul fragment. A very intricate part of our whole that is a necessary piece of our puzzle , but forgotten about in its absence. In life it feels like something is missing, but usually we are not aware of its absence, we do not even know it has a name. More like something we need to go out and find or a hole to fill in ourselves with self medicating. I have seen very frightening pieces of a women as the child of sexual abuse. Depicting herself as she felt inside, broken and as frightening to look at as a horror movie. A self protective tool, I am guessing. Completely separate from its host. Another session involved a women escaping from her body and the physical demands of making love to her husband by literally floating and staying on her bedroom ceiling. In life once we come to the point of recognizing what is missing, reintegration of that fragment can be introduced. In death it is like a freeze frame. If they died in fire, then possibly they are still looking out that window at the water hitting the window, but not helping them live. If they died of as a child of abuse, they may still be sad because they are not pretty as before due to their deadly injuries. There is always a moment that time stopped and the duplicity of their more self aware part that understands they need help. Two sides of the same coin that cannot see each others fatigue of the situation. As a healer I can talk to both sides of the coin/fragments and bring them together. Creating a peace in the moment to they can recover from the trauma, reintegrate and move on. Everyone involved learns something. Only a short note about going a little further. We unwilling leave soul fragments in our past/liner lives. These very special pieces can reveil life long mysteries that can only be solved by unraveling the mysteries. Unwarranted fears, longings, urges to be something else, physical ailments.... so many possibilities. Finding these fragments lost in time, learning from them, intergrating and releasing that energy is a process worth working on. You will understand the forever misunderstood part of yourself. Changed forever by the knowing of a secret released from its time capsule. The most healthy medicine in the world. All the stories I include in my writing are based on real experiences I have had working with others throughout my years of service. Tomorrow I will tell the story of ... The girl who is in peices. At the present I have not opened that book yet. I remain blind to her terror, a little nervous to open myself up to her fear. But, with the knowing that I will make a difference in a place beyond my seeing, I will share her pain and hold her hand in the process of integration and transition to the other side. See you tomorrow! Sweet dreams..... I am an intuitive healer. Part of what that means is, I sense what may help to to promote healing. I actually sit and consciously ask what my subject should be today.I will sometimes be visited by spirits or angels that will encourage a particular subject, right down to a name of the person that needs to hear the information. One of my commitments that I have made with this web site is to reach out to as many people as possible. Providing them with insight and comfort that will hopefully result in better health. As you read this, there will be some of you that will be grateful for the words on this page. I write these words with purpose each time for that one or many that need encouragement on any given day. The subject I would like to talk about is the "I shoulds" that we tell ourselves every day. Those two little words that can twist your insides up in knots like our parents scolding us after a night of drinking when we were 16. Right? I should clean the house, I should settle down, I should be happy with my life, I should have enough energy to be super mom, I should be in a real relationship, I should go to church on sunday, on and on it goes.Some of those words are our own, just part of our innate make up to beat ourselves up.Some are gentle reminders that we do need to change some things in our lives. Others are our old beliefs that do not fit anymore.Sometimes our old patterns need a reboot. They can be so deeply rooted we don't have the slightest idea that it just does not fit anymore. This affects all the major parts of our lives. Marriage/or lack of, religion, sex, food, body image and work to name a few. A really good analogy is.....When we continue to try to fit into the wrong size pants for too long they begin to make us uncomfortable, We wake up one morning to find they just don't fit right. They squeeze us in places that they did not before, make visible red lines on our skin and bulge in the wrong places.We may become self conscious about how we appear to others in these to tight pants.We start to unbutton the first button to breath easier. Finally, we put them on the shelf where the other cast off clothes live that are just not right for us any more. Saving them because they might be useful in the future.The clothes that we take out occasionally and think we may be able to benefit by wearing them again.We try them on just one more time, see if they fit differently this time. Only to find that they still make us feel like crap when we are in them.Then finally when we surrender to the fact they just don't suit us anymore, we let them go forever. It is exactly the same for old beliefs. The whole process. How we notice they do not fit anymore, notice how others perceive the changes in us, notice it becomes impossible to continue believing something that, in our guts we know is not right for us.Why do we do it? Struggle so much. Notice your response on a daily basis to your relationships that don't fit, jobs that make us miserable, mortgages that cripple us, all the things everyday we force ourselves to do. We wear them like ill fitting underwear that gives up a prominent wedgie.Finally when we do recognize that we need to make a change we start the process of reevaluating our beliefs in that area of our lives. We will still go back a few times to try on those old pants/beliefs to see if they fit especially in times that we feel weak and lonely.Eventually stepping into something new and more comfortable for good.Then we can breath easily with no embarrassing undone top button to cover with your shirt. Growing up, there are some things that were expected. Then as life goes on wemake statements in our heads that shape our lives and what we expect of ourselves. They unconcously become embedded as our solidified beliefs. We do things that we wish we had not and again and again, making statements to the contrary at ourselves about what we should do next time.Do you sit down when you feel a change coming on and decide if you should hold on to the beleive that shapes that pattern of behavior.Have you ever rebel against yourselve to the extreme because you can not simply allow ourselves to change your mind about what is right or wrong for you.A good example is all of us who have been married, had children and are now divorced.We grew up knowing getting married and having children was what you do.Now, many of us are reevaluating what is right or wrong for us at this point in our lives. I challenge you to make a block of time to sit alone and think about this. Write down what feels uncomfortable in your life at the moment. Review your life since you were a child and really think about your belief system for each challenge you are facing. If you find that your beliefs are different now. Define your old belief system and then rewrite the same subject with a new improved definition that fits your life now.Allow yourself to be open and forgiving of yourself, you may be surprised at how it feels.Almost like a duplicity of your new more open self verses an antiquated version that may resemble a disgruntled parent.We tend to judge ourselves harshly. Its time to grow and allow room for gentleness in your discovery of yourselves. In my practice I use a guided imagery for this. If you visualize Lilly Tomlin as the old phone operator. Sitting at her desk pulling one cord from its receiver and placing it in another to connect the calls.For those of you who have no idea who Lilly Tomlin is here is a video. www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e3dTOJi0o lol.You can imagine your old belief as the first connection, for instance "I will let go of the old belief that... life is not easy and you always have to work your ass off to get what you need ." Then plug it into a new connection acknowledging that "My new belief is.We are meant to be happy .... a balance of hard work and gratitude for what we already have will help us manifest all that we desire in life." Say this to yourself with love and acceptance. Then let it sink in for a few days. You will notice that situation around the subject that you addressed with become easier and much less upsetting.You will be less tolerant of yourself when you try to go back to the closet to put on those ill fitting pants! Eventually it will just become a new way you approach yourself and that subject.Throwing out the old pants and enjoying the freedom of something that fits perfectly. Just a side note. With this subject in mind, it can be applied to our children and their beleifs. Their beleif may be different than ours, but not nessesarily wrong. Allow yourselfs to change your minds about your stuff. With intention decide what is right or wrong for you, This process will help you be more sensitive to others need to change. As I start to form this thought, the spirit that has guided me to write about the subject is creating such electricity in my hand I cry out. I need tell her to stop as I laugh, happy that I finally express the perfect spirit driven message. The sensation stops right away, thank goodness. Sometimes we just need to let go of old beleifs and leave a empty space for new ideas to come to the surface. Holding that empty space as an open invitation for deeper understand of your own needs. Then listen to your inner guidence...... you always know what you need, but sometimes thats what scares you the most! Please feel free to comment below with thoughts or questions. I would love to hear from you. I hope you have a blessed day! Christina Pen name... Seraphina! I left off my last entry in a state of shock and realization that there is more to me than this tired rag doll of a mom and nurse. I will tell you bit about how I was physically feeling in my life at the time, It is pertinent to my story. I was exhausted all the time. I believe now it is because I was going through my life in a state of waking sleep. I never really thought about what is was I needed to thrive and grow in my life.I had no clue what made me happy. Forget about what I was feeling and never took into consideration what the consequences were of turning my back on myself.Some of the reasons for this was ignorance and living my life with my head down. I did not have the answers about very simple questions like...how do I feel, am I happy, what makes me happy and am I fulfilling my life's purpose. There were no answers because I had no fricken clue how to begin to ask these questions. I was like many.... got married, had babies, worked full time, vacationed, owned a house, a dog and boat.... so who has time for asking the hard questions? Who has the energy left to ask the questions? To say the least, my 20's where exhausting! Many factors created my lack of ..its funny right here I pause with the inability to express the right word. It's not that I didn't have time or the knowledge. Come on, everyone has survival skills and the innate ability to know when they are in a sucky situation.For me it was an absence of drive to think about it. To look back it was as if I was on auto pilot. Never questioning, as if my skills for planning my life beyond the basics were hidden from me. Like a time capsule that you plan on having a celebratory opening of, 34 years after your birth into this body that needed that information 2 decades ago.One saving grace was, I had no clue I was missing half of myself until it arrived in a package of anxiety and finally grace. You see, I don't believe things happen by accident. All the moves I have played on my game board of life had purpose and perfect timing, that's the key.I have seen in my work, many times, people planning their lives before they come to be here. Born into the messy miraculous human body.We meet with the people who are our support system and plan. We have free will, but are forever.... Every day reminded what our true road map is and in what direction we are supposed to be going. Everyone is familiar with that tug you feel in your gut when you are absolutely heading in the right or wrong direction.When we hear those whispers in our heart and mind if we are with the wrong person in a relationship, especially in a marriage, employment or other attachments.We try to wiggle and ignore our signs and sometimes this we recognize for sure because it makes our heart hurt, bodies ache and minds muddled with denial of self. I was having all of these heavy feelings from head to toe about my life in general at the time I began to wake up. My most intrusive physical symptoms were chronic sinus infections.I would be on antibiotics for months at a time, severe headaches, fatigue and palpations.I remember going on vacation, skiing in NH with my husband and 2 kids. We were with friends, in a beautiful place and I should have been having the time of my life.Instead I remember two things distinctly. Skiing down the hill with my two small children.... They were having a blast. All of a sudden my heart starts pounding, skipping, I am sweating... even though it is 10 degrees out. I am scared to death for no apparent reason. Could have have been having a beautiful moment and my cranky insides were messing it up! I sat in the snow for a few moments, hoping my little boys did not all of a sudden decide they could do more than ski a foot and then make a snow print with their butts on the ground.It passed after a few agonizing minutes but the fear stayed. Later that night I lay in bed alone, head pounding, I am sweating as if I may die at any moment. So confused about what I was feeling. I was sick and depleted from the sinus infection, true, but it was more, now that I know. The fear that went along with it, that was a sickness of the spirit. That was my frustrated spirit exposing itself as manifestation of illness in the body. I was out of my head and as far away from being grounded as you could be unless I had no feet at all.It was a fear that had always been just underneath the surface of my being. It would silently prevent me from so many things.It would rear it's head if I even had thoughts of speaking out about injustices in my life, relationships, standing up in any way. That would be enough to freeze me in place like jack frost touched me with a wand. A very small tap of fridgid..... Don't even think about it.... sprending through my body like liquid nitrogin. Left like a sleeping statue. I was scared shit of exposing my true self. Instead a big fat lie stared back at me from the fractured mirror of my life's reflection. I am an intuitive healer. I will say that to people and they will say... a what? I have struggled over the years to define what that mean exactly. I still am not sure of the simple answer. But here goes...
First I will explain MY experience as a intuitive healer. It is a bit different for everyone. Also, beleive me, I am used to the non beleiver. Some of you will hear my words and think it is a bit or maybe a huge stretch from possible. I can also say that almost 100% of my clients leave beleiving. You cannot deny something if the truth is right there infront of you. About 15 years ago I went to a workshop. The title was something like, "Color breathing threw your Chakras". I swear at this point in my life I had no spiritual life, was exhusted with my life and didnt really care about the subject of the workshop. I just needed education hours to keep my nursing current. I really didn"t want to be a nurse anymore. I did not feel like I was doing anything important. At the time I was head of Marketing and Admission at a local Nursing Facility. My day was spent dressing up and talking people into admiting their loved ones into very non healing place and hopefully they had cash to pay their way. I was needing a change and was very full of my own pain. On the edge of a chronic issue like Fibromyalga. It took me a very short time to recognise that this workshop changed my life forever, gave me something to fight for, something to help me discover who I really was underneath the exterior of myself that did not even question why I was on the planet, until now. I sat with my mother in these metal chairs wondering what the hell I was doing here. It all seemed weird and out of text with nursing. I did feel intrigued. You see before this day I had heard many stories from my mother about how she would dream, unexpectedly about things that would happen in her life or even in someone elses. She would speak of the power of it and how it was very hard for her during times in her life. Up to this day, I had only one otherworldly experience. My brother Jimmy, who had died several years ago, woke me one night by the feeling of my mattress squishing down as he sat on my bed. There was no words that night. Only a feeling of his presence and the wave of emotion that something so fantastic could happen to me. The subject of the workshop was a basic guided imagery. The teacher, who was so kind and peaceful it would make a stressed out person nervous....... began to talk, all we had to do was relax and follow her voice. Holy Shit!!!!! This was the scarest thing I have ever done. My mother sat next to me, following her voice like it was the most natural thing on the planet. Me, on the other hand had the appearence of a peaceful statue on the outside and was totally freaking out behind my closed eyes. So, now.... as she spoke in the most calm voice about imagining the color coming into your body with each breath.... I followed. I did what she said. I imagined the color red entering the energy center at the root of my body. Having not even a small clue what that ment. Just listening, breathing, quite in my mind, except for the strange relaxing music and her voice. But... Then... IT began to happen. I saw the colors vividly. As I breathed them in like it was the most natural thing in the world.. then looking at the colors like I had just smoked a fatty! The feeling of breathing in the colors was euphoric, I was floating. I could feel my body acutely but had this strange question in my mind, such as.... are my feet still placed on the ground and where does my body end and the rest of the room begin.. You see, I was experiencing some mighty strong opening in my body, some deep relaxation and surrender. When you meditate, you dont have to leave your body to sense something different within it. Esspecially if the body you have been living in is full of disapointment, fear and stress. As I unwillingly surrendered to her voice for a few moments I surrendered, Then came the panic, heat and tremendous fear. I listened threw my root chakra, my pelvis, bringing in the red and orange colors that signify that area and bringing with the breath and color, healing. Moving to yellow for my solor plexis.... expanding, becoming hotter and hotter in my body. Like molten lava was being poured over my head, my heart beating to the point of wearing it self out. Next came my heart center. now I am begining to go into a full blown panic attact. I shut myself down. Stopped feeling and went back to my normal state. The feeling did not intensify, but remained an acute, intense vibration that was rattling my teeth with awareness that something huge just happened. Because of my lack of self, I did not have the guts of get up in the middle of this peaceful moment everyone else was having. I just sat alone in my panic, heart skipping everyother beat. As she slowly brought the room back to themselves and their bodies, everyone taking their deep cleansing breaths. I just waited. Imagine a high strung horse waiting behind the gate in a cage for the bell to ring and the metal to move out of the way. LET ME THE OUT OF HERE! Thats all I could think of. The room opened their eyes. I worried that I was glowing this strange shade of red, the heat radiating out into the room from my frightened body. But, as I opened my eyes everything was as is was before the madness started only for me. I quickly grabbed my mother the moment we where finish and we left. Making it to the parking lot. I grabbed her arm because i could not walk any further. My whole body sweating, heart pounding in my chest, unable to walk forward, only able to walk back to where I was a few monemts ago. We went back into the building. I breathlessly explained to my new teacher that I was panic stricken and on fire. Literally, I was so so hot inside and out. She said she would "ground me" and that should help. She proceeded to kneel down and hold my feet as if they where not doing what they where suppose to be doing. Pulling me back to earth as if my head was a hot air balloon. This was such a true statement for my state of mind and health. This I would learn in the future months, as I cured a chronic sinus infection with the same breathing excersises. Her attempt to help me, worked enough for me to ask some questions and run our the door with information for the next workshop in my sweaty hand. A feeling of excitment almost over running my the fear that this was only the beginning. I had experiences a sliver of something bigger than my .... beleiving in nothing but mundane, day after day .... life. |
AuthorMy name is Christina Laughton. I live in Wilmington, NC. I have made it a long standing practice study ways to achieve health and peace in life through allowing your true self to be seen. I have fostered many unusual abilities such as seeing, hearing and sensing the usually unseen. Then finding the understanding of how to apply this to your life, to bring a balance to your mind, body and spirit. When in alignment with yourself you will always bring healing to all parts of your life. Archives
November 2023
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